An Open Letter to People Feeling Anxious, Lonely or Depressed

Friends,

Let’s start with what is most important: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Most people I know, personally and professionally, are dealing with their own unique set of struggles.

Unfortunately, we are not living in an alternate universe and this is not a bad dream from which we will wake. This struggle is real, but we can overcome it. The anxiety and the loneliness are normal and understandable, as is the sadness or depression you may feel at times. These times are an emotional rollercoaster and it feels like the ride won’t stop. We may feel we have little or no control over our future. There is uncertainty, unreliable information and angry people wanting someone or something to blame for it all.

What is important to know is that anxiety, panic, depression and loneliness can be treated. Trauma, which many of us are experiencing right now, can be healed. I am a person who has overcome trauma in my life, and trained to be a therapist to actively work with people recovering from trauma. (There are some great Youtube videos that describe more about how the brain and body functions when experiencing trauma. Knowledge is power in this situation!)

These are the things that I have been doing to manage my own feelings:

Identify feelings. I need to recognize that I am in a trauma response, feeling anxious, lonely or depressed. I have to stop blaming myself for not being better, more effective, more this or less that. Our negative self-talk is not helpful to us, especially not right now. We need to be kind to ourselves, just as we’re kind to others, now more than ever.

Call someone. Talking, whether to a friend, a partner or a therapist about how you are feeling provides relief (at least in the moment) and creates visible changes in neural pathways and that can be observed in brain scans over time. It also helps to get the emotions outside of yourself by verbalizing them or writing about them.

Exercise. The neurotransmitters that are released during physical activity can help change your perspective and de-escalate anxiety, relieving your feelings of depression. anxiety and loneliness, at least temporarily. We have been using dancing videos from YourTube since it’s something my kids and I can do together.

Breathe. Breathing is one of the only automatic functions of the body that you can change just by thinking about it. It is best to breathe in through your nose like you are smelling a flower, and out through your mouth like you are blowing out birthday candles. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps us to feel more calm.

Color. Many people I speak with cannot calm themselves enough to meditate. Coloring mandalas produces the same effects in the brain as meditation.

Anyone that seeks to minimize the negative mental health effects of what we have all experienced as a result of Covid-19 is uninformed and lacks understanding. The shelter in place orders, volatile markets, soaring unemployment, loss of loved ones and loss of normalcy all combine to impact our emotions. People who are angry don’t realize that it is often fear that is fueling their anger and causing them to lash out.

Resilience and grit are like muscles that can be built. Some of us have used those muscles and developed them and some of us are learning new ways to develop them now. You and I have both survived every bad thing that has happened to us, or I would not have written this and you would not have read it. These times are scary, but we can and will be resilient by leveraging relationships, knowledge and science.

Wishing you all peace and good health.

Best,

Allie Phillips Burke